I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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