Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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