Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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