Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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