We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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