East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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