Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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