Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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