I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
