check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
