Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's paper in my vomit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
