I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
