I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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