My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
