yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
