omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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