My brain says no but my pants say off.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
