he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
