I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
