you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
