I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
