how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize