sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
