Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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