im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize