Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
