dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
