we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
