I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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