god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
