I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize