I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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