I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
