Buhtt sex?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
