I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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