Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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