my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
