Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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