I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pants are for mortals
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
