His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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