dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
