I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
