Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
