never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
