You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
