also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
