I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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