she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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