so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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