I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
