He had one of those small greek statue penises
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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