we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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