He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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