I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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