you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize