It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The air was thick with penises
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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