i wish my penis had a tongue
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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