Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
