she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
