burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
