Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize