I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
