Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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