it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
