yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
