Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
