What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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