just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
