I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
