So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
