I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
