It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
