I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
birth control should be required to get into college
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
