Joe is yelling at the trees again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
