He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
