The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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