I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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