Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
