I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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