By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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