College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
