Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
