I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
