I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
