I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
