Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
