Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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