VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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