wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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