Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
