Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
