3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
