bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
