no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's never too late to be topless.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
