I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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