I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
