She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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