I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
